Real estate school is great for learning the law and the paperwork, but it doesn't really prep you for a frantic seller at 11:00 PM or a buyer who’s digging their heels in over a minor repair credit. Most people think negotiation is about meeting in the middle, but Chris Voss, the former lead international hostage negotiator for the FBI, says that’s actually the worst thing you can do. In his book, Never Split the Difference, he shares a framework for high stakes conversations that’s a total game changer for anyone trying to figure out how to become a better negotiator in real estate. If you’ve already looked through our list of the best books for realtors, you know this one is a must-read because it moves away from math and focuses on the raw emotions driving the deal.

Building Trust Using Tactical Empathy and Mirroring

The biggest mistake you can make at the closing table is trying to be the smartest person in the room. Voss teaches that effective negotiation is an act of discovery, not an act of bullying. By using tactical empathy, you aren't agreeing with a client’s wild demands, you’re just acknowledging their reality so they feel understood. You can do this by using the late night DJ voice, which is calm, slow, and downward inflecting. When a home inspection gets heated, your calm tone will naturally lower the temperature of the room. Another trick is mirroring, where you just repeat the last few words someone said to keep them talking.

If a seller says they’re worried about the closing costs, you simply say, the closing costs? This usually gets them to open up about their real fears without you having to ask a hundred questions. At Vreeland Real Estate, we’re definitely no strangers to these tough conversations ourselves. In 2025 alone, we negotiated over $3 million in seller-paid closing costs for our buyers, and that's not even counting the endless price slashes, repairs, and appliances we secured.

Why You Should Stop Chasing a Yes and Embrace No

We’re all taught to push for a yes, but Voss argues that people feel cornered when they’re forced to agree. If you’re looking for advanced communication skills for real estate agents, start aiming for a No instead. Asking a client, is it a bad idea to list at this price? feels way safer for them than asking if they want to sign the agreement. People feel in control when they say no, and once they feel that control, they’re much more likely to listen to your professional advice. You can also use labeling to clear the air. Instead of ignoring the tension, just name it. If a buyer’s hesitant about a fixer-upper, say something like, it seems like you’re worried this house is going to be a money pit. By voicing their fears, you take the power away from those negative thoughts and let them think clearly again.

Using the Ackerman Model for Final Offers

When the negotiation turns to hard numbers, don't just pick a figure out of thin air. The Ackerman Model is a systematic way to whittle down the gap while making the other side feel like they’ve won.

If you’re aiming for a specific price, start with an offer at 65% of your target. Then move in decreasing increments: 85%, then 95%, and finally your 100% target. Crucially, your final number shouldn't be a round one. Instead of $500,000, use $501,450. Non-round numbers feel like they’re the result of a very specific, unbreakable calculation. It signals to the other party that you’ve truly reached your limit.

Using Calibrated Questions to Control the Conversation

A huge part of winning a negotiation is making the other side do the work for you. Instead of giving orders, use calibrated questions that start with how or what. When another agent brings you a lowball offer, just ask them, how am I supposed to present this to my client? It puts the burden of finding a solution on them while making them feel like they’re the ones in charge.

This is one of those proven real estate closing techniques that helps you protect your commission and your client’s equity. If you’re busy trying to grow your business and spend more time on these high-level conversations, you should definitely check out how real estate agents can delegate the busy work so you can stay focused on the actual deal-making.

Find the Black Swan and Level Up

Voss talks about Black Swans, which are the hidden pieces of information that change everything. Maybe a seller isn’t being difficult about the price, they’re just terrified they won’t find a new place before school starts. You won't find these details by just looking at the MLS, you find them by listening and summarizing their position until they say, that’s right. Reading about these tactics is a solid start, but let's be honest, you can't get better at this just by reading a blog. Negotiation is a muscle that only grows if you use it.

We talk about these strategies and put them into action Tuesdays and Thursdays every single week. You’re more than welcome to head over to our Learning Hub where you can join us for free, live roleplaying sessions to sharpen your skills, even if you’re with another brokerage.